SO TRUST YOURSELF AND NO ONE ELSE.

i'm the girl in the brown leather jacket.
the one with a hand full of coffee glued to my hands.
im the one you see, and the one you miss.

I'm sick of everything. I'm tired of having to get a "how're you" out of people. I'm tired of holding all my emotions back, and tip-toeing around everyone's damn feelings. I'm tired of being last on people's list to help out. I'm sick sick sick of shit. fuck it all. I'm done trying. I am a fucking wreck right now, and it came out of nowhere. I'm just finally starting to understand.

I keep making mistakes, and I'm tired of it. I'm so tired of who I am right now. I want to change.

I have been left with this broken soul,
and left for lifeless lies to fill my void.

BED.

How do guys just KNOW?
like, really...how do they know!?

I'm trying to get back to the girl I knew from the months before. This time alone.

I can't fucking wait for fall!

I can't wait to go shopping for fall clothes. I want my style to be baggy jeans, flannel, floral dresses, concert t's, long sweaters, chunky heels, studs, big sweaters, bowler hats, and leather jackets. omgggg, i can't wait!

"We found a house with a big yard
And moved all of my things
And most of your things, in
And honey I was proud of it
Honey I was proud of, you

You quote the Good Book,
When it's convenient
But you don't have the sense
No you don't have the sense
To tie your tangled tongue
Instead you're slashing through the mud

Some boxes, that
Hand-me-down couch, and chair
That used to be at your church
We borrowed them from there
A cabinet record player with nothing but James Taylor
Two carpets from the corner store
Cover the hardwood floor
I'd be a fool to ask for more..."

I guess I am due for a proper entry! I'm currently sitting in my room at my parents house watching E news. I am comfortable. I am very content with my life right now...I guess I should of know there is always a rainbow at the end of a storm. Things do get better. Just sometimes things can suck.

My family has been really great to me lately. They realize I hate being at home, and they don't complain when I travel from place to place days at a time. But I do have to stay up here some when I have work...which I still love. I work with younger girls, and they're so much fun to give advice to on college, and other stuff. They're real nice. I have work saturday, and for once, no plans for the weekend. Tomorrow I'm going to look for more stuff for bonnaroo. My mom bought taylor and I a tent today and two sleeping bags...shes so cute. I'm super nervous...but I think we'll be okay. We're not toooo dumb. Haha. I know it will be a chance of a life time, and I'll come back with so many memories. I can't wait to see Bon Iver, MGMT, Girl Talk, and Beastie Boys! ahh. so good.

I have so many beautiful amazing people in my life, and I'm thankful and try to give thanks every day to them. I don't know what I would do without them in my life...it definitely wouldn't be as fun. I'd do anything for any of them. Always.

anyway, here's what I've been up too....
( party party party )

If you don't don't know, why'd you say so?
Would you mean this please if it happens?
If you don't know, why would you say so?
Won't you get your story straight.
If you don't know, honey, why'd you just say so?

Cause I need this now more than I ever did.
If you don't, well, honey, then you don't.
I left you waiting,
At the least could we be friends?
Should have never started,
Ain't that the way it always ends?

If you don't know, honey, why'd you just say so?
Cause I need this now more than I ever did.
If you don't, well, honey, then you don't.
If you don't, well, honey, then you don't.
So here we are now, a sip of wine a sip of water.
Someday maybe, maybe someday we'll be smarter.
And I'm sorry that I'm such a mess

im the weakest motherfucking person i know. im so weak. if i was a pokemon character i'd be a Magikarp. that's how weak i fucking am

Its such a shame that I feel no one can be there for me to talk to right now.

So, I'm out of school. Done, and Done. I'm not taking a summer class after all...and instead going to work my small part time job. I'm content with that...and I'm content with taking 15 hours next semester to make up for it. I've decided that I'm not going to graduate in four years, but instead try and graduate in 5...the same time Taylor does. Which is how it was supposed to be from the beginning. But this semester was a success, I'm pretty sure I made all A's and B's once again, and I'm content...I feel like I learned a lot this semester thanks to my teachers who were fabulous, and I also believe I learned a lot about myself, and how determined I am to make myself successful. Everything I've wanted lately, I've achieved it, because I've worked hard. I feel if I apply that state of mind to anything, I can do it. Especially with God's help. I feel like his plan is being unfolded constantly in front of me, and I'm so aware for once. I hope everyone can feel this secure one day. I haven't been to church in so long, but I still feel his presence with me every day. Really. It's incredible.

I really hope this summer is successful. I hope I'm able to learn more about myself through having a job, and learning from new experiences. I know I'm going to be traveling between franklin, murfreesboro, nashville, and hendersonville a whole lot this summer. I'm so scared of not ever feeling at home, but it's all good. I'm staying optimistic about everything.

As for other things in my life, I have faith they'll come out as planned. I have so many thoughts running through my mind, and I'm very excited. I'm also nervous. I'm like a glass case of emotions (yes, i meant to say that...i love anchorman).

Obviously I have tons of thoughts, because I never ever ever write this much, but right now it's 12:48 a.m. and my heart is spilling. I am full of so much. I'm okay with it also.

Anyway, tomorrow, beginning of summer..what to do?

I feel like making a list of things I love at the moment, so here goes
-chobani yogurt, every morning, yes please
-hummus...i'm new to this amazing creation of God.
-santigold's album
-back rubs
-my goodwill dresses
-12th and porter friday nights
-hot dogs...i'm so weird
-the movie thumbsucker...SO GOOD.
-Nirvana's nevermind album.
-sesame street band aids!!
-true life/fat camp tv shows YEAP

I haven't felt like this since I was 16. Exhilarating.